This is a taste, the sip of the tongue on your glass of wine. It lets you know what you are dealing with, it lets you wonder what is to come.
And this is the road I have diligently walked on.
Not every aspect of rejection is the all-so-expected slap on the face. Yes, it is there, and for me, it hurt far more than I care to admit. But that slap made me see a whole different side. The one I had been avoiding because I was waiting for that slap on the face. It was there all along.
I’ve never been one to like school. To me, it was like being trapped in an institution where I didn’t want to be. But I kept up with it, I needed the basics.
The thought of going to college, however, changed my perspective. No longer was school an institution where I would feel condemned. No, alas, freedom was just in reach. College would take me places, places I desperately wanted to be.
But I still had that nagging feeling in my system. I wasn’t sure I would fit in. I thought I would, but I knew better. I was doomed. I was petrified. I was…overwhelmed.
So, in my best interest, I decided I needed a semester. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle what would come my way, even if I wanted to seem courageous and sure of myself. Sure, part of going to college is taking that leap of faith, and so many do, it amazes me the amount of courage they have. I just wasn’t comfortable taking that leap.
In no way do I feel like a coward, however, for not taking that leap. In no way whatsoever do I feel like I made a mistake, or do I regret the decisions I have made. They made me who I am, they still shape me to the man I will become. And I can say that proudly.
Many little realizations were made, like the amount of debt I would be under, time I would spend in classrooms and not in my laptop, writing about Alex and his journey across Edelix.
No, I could not allow that to torment me. I needed to get my mythos out of my mind, because of all the overwhelming elements in my life, it was by far the worst. I could not cope with anything, I could not think of anything BUT The Crystal Tower.
So again, in my best interest, I decided to write the beginning of what I had coped with for over a decade. I could not allow it to be bottled in my mind on a daily basis. I wanted release. And that release was too intoxicating, too exciting, too dominating. I was taking breaths for the first time in a long time. I was happy.
The road I have walked on is far more slippery than I have described, far more ragged and tormenting, but this is just a taste, a little sip of the wine…
More is to come…